Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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