I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
