I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
