just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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