sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
