She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
