I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
