p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
