I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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