Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
