don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
