im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
