His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
bring money and cleavage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
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