Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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