Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hippo gnu deer
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
