the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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