I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm both gender and math confused
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
