I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
