My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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