you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
