quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
