So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Two words: blizzard sex
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
