you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
