I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
