I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
