and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
