hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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