The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
