Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
