PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
