Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
