I want to have your abortion
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
