OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
