the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i believe in u and ur pee
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
