So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
