Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
