I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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