my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
