so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
