Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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