i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
