i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
