I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
