well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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