Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
