just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
