Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
People in love make me want to vomit
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
