Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
