I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My ass is underappreciated
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
