my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
