my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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