You can't special order awesome
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm passing your future prison.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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