it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
