I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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