hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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